Should You Explain a Dirty Joke?

My girlfriend and I were driving in the car with my 2 daughters the other day when we pulled up beside a tow truck. We noticed the name on the truck at the exact same time.

Camel Towing

We both burst out laughing and really couldn’t stop.
“Whats so funny? Why are you laughing? Are you laughing at the picture of the camel on that truck?” asked my 11 year old  from the back seat
I did the only thing I could think of – I lied.
“Yup. Its pretty funny huh?”
That got me an eye roll.

I thought about explaining the joke to her but then I thought, why? She can go a little longer in life without knowing what a camel toe is. Same with tea bagging. When her friend asked if she wanted a soda, she said without an ounce of guile “no thanks, I’m tea bagging it today.” My tea came straight out my nose.

I guess its all part of the tween years – the end of innocence and the beginning of “getting” the jokes. My tween isn’t there yet but she’s close. We were watching Grease a few weeks ago (which by the way is rated PG only because it came out before PG 13 was invented) and when Kinikie asks “Are her jugs bigger than Annette’s?” my daughter started giggling and said “Does Annette have big boobs?”

I think we are in for an interesting year.

My Co-Pilot

My oldest daughter has reached yet another milestone this summer. She is now big enough to sit in the front seat of the car.
Oh my GOD is this annoying.

I thought it was bad when she would yell instructions from the back seat. “Can you put it on Hits One? Can you see whats on Z-100? The lights green Mom. Slow down Mom.” But those seem like the good old days compared to the co-pilot I have now.

My tween is now the radio commando and president in charge of telling me all the things I’m doing wrong. I’ve had to banish her to the backseat three times already for annoying behavior but she doesn’t get the hint. It seems she can’t help her need to correct the things that she sees as wrong. Can’t imagine where she gets that from. Sometimes just to annoy her I make her sit in the back and put the radio to 80’s on 8. Its a very effective form of torture.

On the upside she is learning all the rules of the road and she pays close attention to where things are. She can now lead me to the mall, the trapeze place and home.

She still has no idea how to get to school.


This entry was posted on August 29, 2012. 3 Comments

Shopping for deodorant. How embarrassing!

My 11 year old told me she was starting to smell and wanted to get some deodorant. “Great! Lets do it” I said. These first time moments are what I love most about parenting. I will shepherd through the isles of the local drug store and dole out my pearls of wisdom on the art of not being stinky.

Not so much.

When we first got there I was asked to stand about 10 feet away from the deodorant section so she could feel independent. Okay, no problem. Then suddenly the unthinkable happened. Someone else came down the aisle and was looking at deodorant too. My daughter quickly turned and started walking away. What the…??? “Mom I can’t look when someone else is watching me” she said “Its too embarrassing” It is? Its embarrassing to look at deodorant in the store? I guess my shame bar is set a little higher.

After the interlopers moved on, my girl quickly grabbed something that smells like vanilla from the shelf and handed it to me. I already had my hands full but she insisted on carrying my tooth paste and hand soap so I would carry the deodorant. Apparently that is embarrassing too. I’m really looking forward to buying heavy flow tampons and maxi pads with her. That should be a real barn burner of a shopping trip!

This entry was posted on July 30, 2012. 4 Comments

Lindsay Clark’s Basement

My oldest daughter is about to enter 6th grade. As with every milestone in her life, I try to think back on how it was for me at that time. Of course, the windshield wiper of life has pushed away most of my memories but 6th grade happened to have been a stellar year in the life of my former nerdy self so I remember it vividly. It was the year of parties in Lindsay Clark’s basement.

Picture it…shag carpeting, macrame on the walls and Elton John’s Greatest Hits on the record player. Add in 4 boys, 3 girls and an empty bottle and I think you get the picture. Got my first kiss that year – and my second and third come to think of it. Lots of kissing and giggling but nothing beyond that. I don’t think it even occurred to us. This was taboo enough what with Lindsay’s mother right upstairs watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show!

I know my daughter has not had her first kiss yet. She’s still working on her first crush. But its coming and I can only hope it isn’t accompanied by suggestions of other things. The parenting world is fraught with horror stories of promiscuous tweens – blow jobs and even sex as early as 13. When I look at my darling girl all I can see is her innocence and I don’t want it shattered by a boy who doesn’t realize he is supposed to spend puberty in a fog of sexual frustration or a girl friend who doesn’t realize that no is a perfectly acceptable answer.

All I can hope is she remains as open with me as she has always been so I can steer her away from promiscuity the way my mother did…by scaring the living crap out of her!

This entry was posted on July 24, 2012. 2 Comments